The Letter
by kerrbear7
Summary: Manny finds a letter that will change the lives of four people, tearing friendships and relationships apart.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi, except my ideas...**

**Okay, so here's another story. It won't be all that long, but the first few chapters will probably be a bit on the short side. **

**What do you need to know? Just that Manny and Jay are engaged, Emma and Sean are a couple, and that this takes place in the summer after Emma and Manny's first year of university. **

**Enjoy!**

Manny held the paper between her shaking hands, tears flowing from her brown eyes. She looked around the room. It somehow took on a different look now. Her eyes had been open and now there was just no way to pretend this huge problem didn't exist. She let herself fall onto the bed, wondering what her next move should be. Should she confront him? Should she try to let it go; it had obviously been a long time ago. Her head hurt from the thoughts whizzing around inside.

Manny wanted to take the papers and rip them to shreds, but something told her to keep them. Her eyes flew to the words that crushed her heart. _He loved her. Maybe he still does._ Manny tried to stop herself from thinking these thoughts, but they just kept coming. Jay, her Jay, had a secret.

Her eyes flew back to the top page. For the third time, she read its contents, with tears in her eyes.

_I guess the things I'm going to write would be better said face to face. Call me a coward. Call me inarticulate. It's just that I've never been good with words. Every time I try to say something important, it just never comes out right. At least on paper I can reread and edit without you knowing how much of a moron I really am._

_Okay... so things between us went from bad to, okay, to horrible. You probably hope I just drop off the face of the Earth or something. Who knows, that could still happen. But before it does, there are a few things you should know._

_I never meant to hurt you...in any way...ever._

_I chose you because there was (and is) no one else who can even compare to you._

_I never expected you to...you know...but I guess part of me thought if you were willing to do that, then you obviously cared about me some._

_I fell in love with you. (Not a line. Totally true.)_

_Okay, so here's the facts. After the shooting, you were different, not so guarded, almost open. At first the thought of manipulating you was appealing, but then you cried in front of me, in the car, when we dropped Ellie off. You bared your broken and battered soul. And instead of being needy, I was needed. I was at that moment that I fell for you. But I don't do well with feelings. I could have told you the truth, but then I risked being vulnerable; I risked you breaking a heart I never knew I even had._

_And just as soon as things began, they ended. But I never got the chance to tell you these things._

_Emma, beautiful, do-gooder, Emma, oblivious to just how wonderful you are. You're smart and gorgeous. You have a heart of gold and care about the things that other people pass by. I'd like to think that maybe, even for a second, I was one of those things. But I'm a realist and not a dreamer._

_So I'll continue to watch as you and Sean get closer, as you grow more and more beautiful, as you fulfill every dream you've ever had._

_I'll always wish for what-might-have-beens and love you, the first girl I've ever really loved, forever._

Forever. Jay vowed to love Emma forever, so where did that leave Manny?

**Hope you're intrigued. Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi...**

"All I'm saying is that gold would be a better accent colour than silver!" Emma exclaimed, demonstrating her point, by holding up a lavender and a gold balloon.

Jay rolled his eyes. "Maybe, but silver and black rock!"

Emma smiled. "Manny vetoed black, remember? She decided on lavender for the dresses."

Jay smirked, sticking his tongue out at Emma. She stuck her tongue at him. Manny walked in, seconds later, catching the two in a huge balloon fight. Jay had Emma's back pulled into his chest. He was holding her around the waist with one arm and beating her with a balloon with the other. Manny stood back, watching the scene unfold. She'd been happy that Jay and Emma were finally getting along. But that was before she found the letter.

"Dimples!" Jay called, still holding Emma. "How was shopping?"

"Fine," Manny muttered, shrugging. "What are you two doing?"

Jay finally let Emma go, smiling as she batted him one last time with her gold balloon. She smoothed down her hair and smiled at Manny. "We were discussing decorations. I don't know, Manny. You may have a hard time convincing this guy to let go of the whole black-idea."

"Whatever," Manny whispered.

Jay raised an eyebrow and walked over to his fiancee. "You okay, Dimples?"

Manny slunk out of Jay's embrace. "Why can't you just call people by their real names?"

"It's a show of affection, Dim- Manny."

"Oh really? So Greenpeace if a show of affection too?"

Jay stepped back. He stared at Manny, before stepping closer to her again. He lowered his head and whispered, "Is it that time of the month?"

Manny's face fell. She shook her head, shot him a dirty look, and walked away from Jay.

"What was that all about?" Emma asked, coming up beside Jay.

"Your guess is as good as mine."

Emma touched Jay's arm lightly. "It's probably just pre-wedding nerves is all. It's very stressful planning the perfect wedding and I'm sure that Manny's parents are probably all over her right now. She just finished her first year of university. I'm sure she'll be okay."

Jay stared off where Manny had walked away to. "Maybe she's having some second thoughts."

Emma turned to see the look of worry flash across Jay's face. She bumped him with her shoulder. "Jay? Are you okay? You do know that Manny is so super-duper excited about this wedding, right?"

Jay nodded his head, absentmindedly. His face broke into a smile and he peered at Emma. "Did you just say, 'super-duper'?"

"Ha! Ha!" Emma said, sarcastically. "I was trying to make you feel better, ass-hat!"

"Ass-hat? That's your comeback? Nelson, what has Sean been teaching you?"

The two stared at each other, smiling, enjoying the fact that they were finally at a place where they could put the past behind them and get along. Jay had Manny; their life together about to start. Emma had Sean, things finally settling into normal for them. And despite their sordid past, Jay and Emma knew that it was possible for them to not only get along, but to also be friends, especially when their relationships would be better off because of it.

Little did either of them know that their pasts were about to catch up with them in the worst possible way...

**Oooo!! What will be the outcome of the letter? Will Manny tell Jay that she knows? Will she tell Emma? What will be their reactions? Just how much does Sean really know about Jay and Emma's past?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi...**

**Thanks so much for all of the great reviews! This story is completely finished...in my head, so I just have to get in down on my computer! I will try to be much quicker updating this story than I was with my last one!**

"Are you okay?" Emma asked, eyeing Manny. "You've been acting really weird over the last few days. You know that you have Hogart tied up in knots, don't you? I think he's worried that you may come to your senses and call the whole thing off."

Manny shot her best friend a dirty look and asked, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Emma backed away from Manny, her eyes wide, confusion written all over her face. "What is up with you?"

"It's just that you never wanted me to marry Jay in the first place, did you?"

"No, I didn't. At first I thought that it was just Jay trying to hang onto to something good and you just trying to piss off your parents. But I've seen the error of my ways. You've managed to stay together after a year of being apart, and I guess you two crazy kids are gonna make it after all," Emma attempted to joke. She saw Manny's stony face and asked, "Have I done something to offend you or something?"

Manny shrugged cryptically. "I don't know. Have you?"

Emma threw her hands up into the air, sighing in frustration. "I get the whole being stressed out planning a wedding thing. I can work with that, but crazy Manny? No thanks. I'm just gonna head back to my place and chill. You call me when you're back to normal, okay?"

Manny watched Emma grab her purse and leave her room. They rarely hung out at Manny's house anyway, but Manny could care less. Emma was the last person she wanted to see today, well, maybe not more than she didn't want to see Jay.

Since reading the letter she had found tucked away in Jay's dresser, she hadn't known how to react to her best friend or her fiance. Everything Emma said or did annoyed her, and Jay's actions and words made her cringe inwardly. But she was having an even harder time keeping her reactions under the surface, and both of them were beginning to tire of her mood swings and bad attitude.

Manny slumped against her headboard, bridal magazines spread out on the bed in front of her, and growled. This was supposed to be the happiest time of her life, but all she felt was cranky and annoyed. She stared at the garment bag, shielding her strapless, white gown, and frowned. How could she don the dress, walk down the aisle, and take those vows if she wasn't sure how she really felt about Jay?

"Thinking of me?" Jay asked, peeking his head around the frame of her bedroom door.

Manny's face fell. She got to her feet, closing her closet door, and asked Jay, "What are you doing here?"

"I thought you and Emma were hanging out today?" he asked, walking into her room.

He offered her a kiss, but she turned her face, allowing him to place his lips on her cheek. It was as generous as she could be right now. "So you came to see me, or Emma?"

Jay sat down on her bed and questioned, "So psycho Manny lives, huh? Where's Emma?"

Manny picked up the scattered magazines, straightening them and placing the pile on her nightstand. "Why is Emma the only person you wanna be around lately?"

"What is up with you?" he asked, leaning back. "It's like you've turned into this suspicious person who suddenly hates the fact that your best friend and I are finally getting along. I thought you wanted Nelson and I to stop all the bickering?"

"Stop bickering is one thing, but the two of you act like you're suddenly best friends or something! She has a boyfriend, Jay!"

"And I have a fiancee, Manny! Have I done something to offend you?"

Manny hated the fact that Jay's words totally echoed those spoken by Emma just moments before. _So now they're thinking alike?_

"Dimples, please tell me what's going on with you? This is supposed to be a happy time, but it doesn't seem like you're very happy. What can I do to make you feel better?" he asked, trying to gather her small frame into his muscular arms.

Manny eluded his arms, walking to the other side of the room. She turned to face him, tears brimming in her eyes. Jay saw how upset she was, fear gripping him. He got to his feet, trying to move toward Manny, to comfort her in whatever crisis she was immersed in. But Manny held up a hand firmly, telling him to stay where he was.

"Manny?"

She lowered her head, taking a deep breath, deciding that she needed to get all of this off of her chest once and for all. "I found something at your apartment."

Jay immediately knew by the look in her eyes just what she had found. The realization on his face shocked Manny; he knew exactly what she was talking about!

"Why, Jay?"

"Why did I keep it, or why did I write it?"

Manny sighed. "You wrote it because you loved her. I got that much. What I don't understand is why you would keep it all this time. When did you write it?"

Jay's pursed his lips. He hated that Manny knew. He hated that anyone knew. This was his dirty little secret and it's discovery was not warranted or wanted. His infatuation with Emma bothered him more than anyone else, because he didn't quite understand it. But now it was out in the open, hopefully just with Manny, but he still had to explain his actions, something he didn't know how to do.

"Jay?"

"I don't know!" he admitted. "I wish I did, but I don't. I should have gotten rid of it, but I didn't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you found it."

Manny wasn't sure exactly what she'd been expecting, but somehow, Jay's explanation seemed to be lacking. He wasn't sorry that he had written the letter, just that Manny had found it. She wasn't sure how to respond. She could let it go; Jay had admitted he should have threw it away, but did he really mean that?

"Are we okay?" he asked.

"I don't know. I just found out that the man I'm about to marry is in love with my best friend. How exactly would you like me to react to that?"

Jay rubbed his hand tiredly. "Was in love. Maybe. Probably not. I don't know. But that's not the point here. That was a while ago."

"How long ago?" she pushed, realizing he had yet to answer the question.

"Just after Sean moved back," he confessed.

"But you and Emma hooked up almost two years before that! You crushed on her for two years?" Manny voice rose.

Jay shrugged. "No. She was around all the time, because she was seeing Sean, and I don't know. I guess it brought up some old feelings."

"Well she's around you all of the time now! Are you still having feelings for her?"

"No! Manny. You and I are about to get hitched. How can you ask me that?"

Manny hated all of this. How could she compare to someone like Emma? Blond and beautiful, with a killer body and a great mind. She was no comparison, especially if Jay had lusted over her for two years!

"She gave you a blowjob! You gave her gonorrhoea! How does that sum up to love?" Manny asked, her voice low and quiet.

"I don't know!" Jay yelled. "Can we please let this go? So I had a crush on Emma, two years ago! Big deal! I am committed to you, to our wedding, to our life together! Stop letting your own insecurity ruin this time for us!"

"I have a reason to be insecure, Jay! You kept that letter! If everything you felt for her went away, then why keep the letter?"

Jay got to his feet. "Are you gonna let this go?"

Manny stood straighter, eyeing Jay. "Are you gonna tell me why you kept that letter?"

"I'm outta here!" Jay shouted, slamming her bedroom door before Manny even knew what was happening.

She stood there, shocked by Jay's over-the-top reaction to her simple question. Had she hit a nerve? What was the real reason why Jay hadn't gotten rid of his love letter to Emma?

**Enjoy! Please R&R!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi...**

**Thanks for the great reviews guys! Here's another chapter!**

"Okay, so what do you think?" Emma asked, twirling around. "I have been chocolate-free for the last three weeks, so you better say it looks wonderful and I'll be the best looking maid of honour ever!"

Sean, perched on the counter in Emma's kitchen, dropped to his feet, smile firmly in place, and strode toward his beautiful girlfriend. "I know that my opinion isn't as important as the bride's, but I think you look amazing!"

Emma smiled at Sean, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him in for a quick kiss. When they pulled apart, they turned, arms still wrapped around each other, and looked at their friends. Emma's face fell, seeing that both Manny and Jay looked not only preoccupied, but also upset. Emma looked at Sean, who shrugged, not knowing what was going on.

"Manny?" Emma asked, stepping out of her embrace with Sean. "The dress?"

"Why don't you ask Jay?" Manny spat.

Jay gave Manny a death stare. "Would you just give it a rest?"

"Would you just answer the question?"

Sean leaned toward Emma and whispered, "What's going on?"

"I have no idea," Emma whispered back. She turned to Manny and Jay, raising her voice and asking, "Are you two okay?"

"What was your first clue?" Manny grumbled.

"Oh, don't take out your pissy mood on her!" Jay defended.

"Just like you to defend _her_!" Manny spat.

"Give it a rest! I was just trying to stop you from bitching your way into no maid of honour!"

"What do I care, if there isn't even gonna be a wedding?" Manny shouted.

"ENOUGH!!" Sean yelled. "Stop the bickering! Stop the mud slinging! What the hell is going on with the two of you?"

"Jay? Why don't you tell your best friend here just what's going on with us?" Manny hinted.

Jay furrowed his brow, staring Manny down. She was challenging him, and normally Jay never turned down a challenge, but this time... How could he tell Sean, his best friend, the only friend he'd managed to keep, that he had harboured some intense feelings for his one true love? It would definitely change their relationship, and not for the better.

"Well?" Sean pushed.

Emma stared at Jay, for the first time seeing him colour. Nothing shamed or embarrassed him, but he was blushing madly across the room. She wondered just what was going on between Manny and Jay. Had something happened? Had Jay been unfaithful?

"Did you...did you cheat on her?" Emma asked, anger building.

"Oh so right away, this problem is of my doing, right? Typical!" Jay shouted.

"Well it's obvious that you've done something to her! Manny, sweetie, don't worry about a thing. If he's done something that you don't think you can forgive, we'll help you. I'll phone all the people you invited and tell them the wedding is cancelled. Don't even worry about a thing."

Manny rolled her eyes. "I'm not calling off the wedding, Emma."

"You're not?" Jay and Emma asked together.

Manny sighed heavily. "Not yet, anyway."

"So now what?" Jay asked. "I've said I'm sorry. You want me to get on my knees and beg?"

"I want you to be honest."

"Okay," he said softly. "Let's get out of here. Go someplace, alone, and talk. I'll answer any questions you have, okay?"

Manny mulled over Jay's words, thinking that his voice sounded sincere. But then she looked up and saw Sean and Emma. They deserved to know what was going on. This all needed to come out if Manny was ever going to get over it. Otherwise, the contents of that letter would continue to haunt her, ruining her marriage and her relationship with Emma.

"Let's talk about it here," Manny decided.

Jay shook his head, taking a sidelong glance in Emma's direction. "No."

"Yes. If you want to convince me that there's nothing to that letter, then let's just get it all out in the open."

Jay got to his feet. "I said no. I'm all for working stuff out with you, but not with them here."

"Letter? What letter?" Emma asked, looking back and forth between Manny and Jay.

"Are you gonna tell them, or am I?" Manny threatened.

"Please don't do this," Jay begged. "Please."

Manny shook her head. "It's the only way that I can have some peace of mind."

"Fine!" Jay yelled, walking toward the door. With his hand on the knob, Jay turned back and glared at Manny, "What kind of marriage would we have if I can't even trust you to keep my secrets?"

Manny, Emma, and Sean watched as Jay walked out of the door. Emma and Sean, confusion written all over their faces, turned back to Manny.

"Is everything okay?" Sean asked.

Manny shook her head again and said, "Sit down. This is really important."

**Does Manny spill? How do Sean and Emma react? What will Jay think of Manny telling his secret? Keep reading to find out!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi, except my ideas!**

Jay sat in his living room, working his way through a six-pack, when he heard his doorbell ring. He debated answering it at all, thinking that it was probably Manny, here to tell him that the wedding was off. Or maybe it would be Sean, and a sharp punch to the face! He definitely wasn't expecting to see Emma, but that's exactly who he found when he opened his door.

"I need a peep hole," he muttered, leaving Emma to find her own way in, as he made his way back to the living room.

Emma followed Jay into his apartment, her footsteps light, but dragging. She had to come, but she couldn't say that this is really where she wanted to be.

"What's on your mind, Nelson," Jay asked, taking a swig of his beer.

"I, um, I, I wanna read the letter," she stammered.

Jay stopped drinking, his actions suddenly in slow motion. He stared at Emma, having heard what she said, but not quite believing it. "You what?"

She licked her lips. "I would like to read the letter."

Jay smiled, but it was more from nerves than sincerity. "No."

"Manny didn't tell me everything, but she said that you wrote me a letter. Me. I want to read it."

"Well we can't always get what we want, Nelson. Thanks for stopping by. Don't let the door hit you on the way out."

Emma stood her ground, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'm not leaving, so you should just let me see the letter."

"Why would you want to read it?"

"You write me a letter, after everything we went through, but don't give it to me? I'd really like to know what it says," she answered honestly.

Jay sighed, lowering his beer bottle. "Nothing good will come from you reading that letter, trust me. It was ages ago."

"After..."

Jay shook his head. "A bit after that."

Emma swallowed, wishing her nervousness would subside. "Jay," she began, her voice soft. "May I please read my letter?"

Maybe it was the fact that she said please, or maybe it was the way she called it 'her' letter. Whatever it was, something made Jay get to his feet, walk to his bedroom, and retrieve the letter. He came back into the room, handing Emma the old piece of paper.

Emma didn't have the courage to look Jay in the eye when he handed her the letter. She plopped down onto the sofa and took a deep breath before opening the folded paper and reading Jay's scrawled words.

Jay closed his eyes tightly. He wanted nothing more than to fade into the background, to have Emma disappear, or to go back and never write that stupid letter! He should have thrown it out after Manny found it, but something made him hold onto it. Probably the same something that made him read the letter over and over again.

After what seemed like forever, Jay opened his eyes and peered over at Emma. She was sitting, staring straight ahead, tears streaming down her flawless cheeks. Jay had no idea what to say or do to make this whole thing go away. He had a feeling that something was happening that was totally out of his control.

"Why? Why didn't you give this to me?" she asked between sobs.

Jay shrugged. "I didn't think you'd want to know."

"You should have given it me."

"Look, Emma, it's just a stupid letter that I wrote when I was a little confused over everything that had happened between us."

Emma sniffed. "I don't care. You had no right to write this letter and then not give it to me. Don't you get that?"

Jay shrugged. "I'm not following you. So what? It's just a stupid letter!"

"It's a letter that tells me you love me!" Emma exclaimed. "How can you not think that's important?"

"Maybe because it's not like you felt the same way or anything. Right?"

The vulnerability in Jay's voice surprised Emma and she suddenly realized just how much this letter really meant to Jay, and why he'd tried to keep it a secret. They stared at each other, seconds ticking into minutes, feeling like hours. Neither said a word; Jay was waiting for Emma to answer his question and Emma was trying to figure out what to say.

"Just forget it, Nelson," Jay finally said, breaking the awkward silence. "Go home."

Emma turned, prepared to do just as Jay told her, but at the last second she turned back. "Wrong," she whispered.

Jay's head turned quickly. "What?"

"Wrong. You couldn't be more wrong."

"About what?"

Emma sighed, hating that Jay could be so thick-headed. "About how I felt."

Jay got to his feet, staring at Emma with wide eyes. "You mean, you..."

"Uh-huh. How could you think that I wouldn't? After everything that happened between us? You really thought that I wouldn't care about you?"

"Well not after Sean came back into your life. I guess I just figured you'd chalk it all up to a big mistake."

Emma smiled slightly. "I don't think it was my wisest decision, but I definitely don't think it was a big mistake. I just can't believe that you wrote that letter. It's, it's beautiful. I've never had anyone say those kinds of things to me before. Is that really how you felt?"

Jay, for the first time since writing the letter, was able to be truthful about its contents. He nodded his head slowly. "I guess it was."

"Why didn't you give it to me?"

"Because I wrote that letter just after Sean came back to town. I guess having you around sort of brought up some old feelings. But giving it to you then would have been nothing but trouble. You were all caught up with Sean and me throwing you that curve ball just would have made things worse."

Emma eyed him closely. "But how did you know that I wouldn't have wanted to know?"

Jay smirked. "Remember that day, in the garage? It was just after Sean got out of jail and he got the job at the garage. I mentioned that Sean hadn't been caught up on 'old times'. You said that 'old times are overrated'. It was then that I knew you had no residual feelings for me, so why tell you how I was feeling?"

Emma closed her eyes tightly and thought back to that day. Her biggest fear had been Sean finding out about her and Jay. And when things came out, Sean had reacted just how she thought he would. If Jay had come out and told her that he had feelings for her, how would Sean have handled that?

"So what now?" Emma asked.

Jay shrugged. "Manny probably won't ever talk to me again. Sean probably wants to rearrange my face. The usual."

"And us?" she asked, her voice filled with what sounded to Jay like hope.

"Us? I didn't realize there was an 'us'?"

"I didn't mean it that way. I just meant... Well, I... I wanted to know... How are we supposed to act around each other now?" she asked, taking her time getting there.

"Like we always do. Restrained hatred."

"Stop joking around, Jay!" Emma yelled. "I'm trying to ask you a serious question here! How do we pretend like this doesn't exist? How do we go back to being friends and nothing more?"

Jay cocked an eyebrow. "Are you suggesting something other than being friends? Because I am all ears, baby!"

"You are engaged to my best friend!"

"I was kissing – kidding!" he laughed. "I was just kidding, Nelson! No reason to get all bent out of shape. So we had some feelings for each other once. It doesn't mean that we can't be friends."

Emma sighed heavily, plopping herself down on Jay's couch. "This is all just such a huge mess! Maybe I shouldn't have read that letter."

"So why was it so important that you did?" Jay asked, sitting down beside Emma.

More quietly, more softly than before, Emma confessed, "Because I needed to know. I needed to read the words for myself. Don't you have any idea what this means to me? To know that the first guy I- I mean, well I guess it was just important, okay?"

Jay sat there, trying to process. He completely understood what Emma was telling him. If he'd only knew it back then. If he'd only thought that there was a chance. _What would you have done, Jay? What would you have done?_

**Well, well, well! Now that things are out in the open, how will this affect everyone's relationships? Please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi...**

"What the hell were you thinking, Em? Bringing him here? Are you trying to cause a fight?" Sean asked, his teeth clenched so tightly his jaw hurt.

Emma shook her head and looked back at Jay, sitting awkwardly on her couch, Manny across the room, both avoiding each other like the plague. She turned back to Sean, rubbing his arms with her hands. "Please, Sean? Please understand why this is so important? Manny and Jay are never gonna get past this, and be honest, neither will we, not if we don't face it head on and deal with it. I brought Jay here so that the four of us can talk this through. I love you. You know that, right?"

Sean's face eased. "Of course I know that. And I love you too. But the thought of that guy out there being in love with you too? That makes me want to castrate him, understand?"

Emma smiled slightly. "I know. But Jay is your best friend and Manny is mine. We have to get past this so the four of us can go back to being the way we were before. Please say that you'll just try, for me?"

Sean wrapped his arms around Emma's slim waist, pulling her into his chest. "I'd do anything for you, Em. And I will try, okay? But I can't promise that at some point, my fist won't connect with his face."

Emma gave Sean a look of warning as she dragged him into her parent's living room. Sean sat down in a chair opposite of the couch where Jay and Manny were sitting. He continued to glare at Jay, almost like he was daring him to say something. Emma sat on the arm of the chair, her arm swung around Sean's shoulders.

"So we have a small problem," she began. "But I don't think it's something we can't work through."

Manny looked at Emma. She would have laughed at Emma's optimism if the situation weren't so dire. She shook her head and looked at Jay. He remained quiet, meeting Sean's eyes briefly.

"This is why I begged you to keep your mouth shut, but you just had to blab, didn't you?" Jay hissed at Manny.

"It's not her fault you wrote that stupid letter!" Sean spat. "She was just trying to be honest. Remember what that means?"

"There's a difference between honesty and keeping your mouth shut about something that's better left unsaid," Jay replied, glaring right back in Sean's direction. His eyes connected with Emma's for a moment before he looked away.

"Okay, guys. This is not why we're here," Emma reminded them.

"So why are we here, Em?" Manny suddenly asked. "You think this is nothing, but I think there's more to this whole situation than you and Jay are admitting to. So why not start there?"

Jay and Emma looked at each other, silence filling the room, tension hanging in the air.

"Well?" Manny pressed. "Is there something else that Sean and I should know? How about you, Emma?"

"Huh?" Emma asked.

"Well we all know how Jay felt about you. What did you feel for him?"

Emma swallowed and searched Jay's eyes for the right answer to this difficult question. She felt Sean get tense beneath her arm and removed it from his shoulders. She didn't think this would happen.

"Emma?" Sean questioned, looking up at her. "Did you love him too?"

Emma took a deep breath and whispered, "Yes."

Jay had expected Emma to answer honestly, but not that honestly. He'd thought she'd reply with a 'I guess so' or 'Maybe'. But she'd come right out with it and told everyone in the room, in no uncertain terms, that she'd been in love with Jay too. Jay hated to admit it, but his stomach did a flip flop just thinking of it. He wanted to smile, but hid the desire well, beneath his emotionless, stony face.

Sean shifted in the chair, making sure that no part of him was touching Emma. She'd admitted her feelings quite easily and Sean hated that. The thought of his girlfriend, the love of his life, being in love with Jay? Well it made his dinner want to make a repeat appearance!

"I can't believe you!" Manny sighed.

"Well you asked me! I was just being honest!" Emma defended. "Don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer!"

Jay watched Emma get to her feet and stumble to another chair, away from Sean. This was not going to bode well for their relationship.

"So you two loved each other?" Manny repeated, letting the idea hang in the room. "I just don't get it! It was a hook up and it left the two of you diseased! He used you to cheat on his girlfriend! And it wasn't like you were the only one! He was getting hooked up from a lot of different girls, Emma! You fell in love with that?"

Emma swallowed the lump growing in her throat and, again, looked at Jay.

"It wasn't like that," Jay said, his voice level.

"What was it like?" Sean asked, gripping the arms of the chair he was seated in.

Jay wished Emma would take the reins with this one, but she remained silent, her eyes downcast. Jay sighed. "There was more than just that one time."

"You hooked up more than once?" Manny asked. "Why would you want to have anything to do with him after he gave you a disease?"

Emma hated that Manny was pointing all of her questions at her and not Jay. _She blames me for all of this. Our friendship will never be the same._ But Emma wanted to answer Manny's question. She wanted to get all of this out and finally be honest,both with Manny and with Sean.

"Fine!" Emma shouted. "You want to know the truth?"

"Don't," Jay warned.

"Don't tell her what to do!" Sean yelled. "She can say whatever she wants to say. Go ahead, Em."

"Don't do it, Emma. You'll just make this whole thing worse and once it's out, you can't go back. Don't do it."

Manny glared back and forth between Emma and Jay, her curiosity piqued. She knew there was more to this than either one was admitting to and now she wanted to know just what the big secret really was.

"If there is more to this, then just tell us!" Manny screeched, unable to keep herself under control. "You wanted to get everything out in the open, so spill!"

Emma let out a large breath, looked around the room at each of these people, and whispered, "Jay and I slept together."

**Who saw that one coming? How will Manny and Sean react to this news? Please review!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned Degrassi, but I don't...**

It seemed like someone had frozen the entire room. No one moved. No one spoke. I don't even think anyone breathed. No one could tell that Sean's teeth were, once again, clenched, this time in fury. No one could tell that Manny was barely holding back the tears that burned at the back of her eyes. No one could tell that Jay's eyes were closed tightly and his head was throbbing so loudly he worried the other people in the room could hear it. No one could tell that Emma felt light-headed, almost as if she would lose consciousness at any moment if the tension didn't dissipate.

"Is anyone going to say anything?" Emma finally questioned, breaking the unbearable silence.

"Like what? Good to know? Great? How was it?" Sean said, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"She was just trying to be honest," Jay defended.

Manny looked over at Jay, defending her friend, the woman he'd confessed to having loved, the woman he'd slept with, and wanted more than anything to smack his smug face!

"You told me you were a virgin," Sean commented. "And you!" he spat, looking at Jay. "I asked you if you had sex with her and you told me that it was just a blowjob! You two make a great pair. A liar and a fucking slut!"

Jay got to his feet, the muscles in his face tight. "Don't call her a slut! Call me whatever you want to, but don't call her a slut."

"Why not? It's true, isn't it?" Sean asked, getting to his feet and approaching Jay. He turned back to Emma. "You told me that you wanted your first time to be special. What a joke! How special was the back of some sleezy van in the Ravine? You're pathetic!"

Jay clenched his fists. Emma shot him a look of warning; _don't do it!_

"Oh what? You gonna hit me, Hogart? Well go right ahead! At least this time I'll see it coming!" Sean shot back.

"How did I not know about this?" Manny asked the air. She refused to look at Emma. "My best friend has sex for the first time and doesn't tell me? I don't get it."

"She was probably too ashamed to admit it!" Sean said. "Who'd want to brag about sleeping with Hogart?"

Jay smirked. "At least I'd know the difference between someone who's had sex and a virgin!"

Sean went after Jay with everything in him. The two grabbed each other by their shirts, trying to gain the leverage needed to throw the first punch. But before either could take the shots they so desperately wanted to, Emma was in between them, shoving them apart.

"What is wrong with the two of you?" Emma yelled. "This isn't high school anymore! Grow up! Sean, you have every right to be mad. I lied to you. I was totally in the wrong. But Jay's just trying to explain things to you, to make things better. Don't get mad at him for that. If you're gonna be mad, be mad at me. I told him to keep everything secret. I told him to."

Sean shook his head and turned his back on Emma. When he turned back, his face registered all the hurt his heart was feeling. More quietly he asked, "How could you let your first time be like that?"

Emma looked at Jay. Jay stared back at Emma. He shrugged. "Go ahead."

"What? There's more?" Sean shouted, his anger rising yet again.

"We didn't sleep together in the van at the Ravine. It wasn't like that," Emma explained. "It was here. In my room."

"On the bed we made love in for the first time? Oh great!" Sean yelled. He turned away from everyone, shaking his head the entire time.

"So you two were, like, dating?" Manny questioned.

Everyone turned around to face Manny, who had silent tears streaming down her red cheeks. No one said a thing. Jay stood, staring at his fiancee, wishing he knew what to say or do to make her feel better, but knowing that nothing he did would ever erase this from Manny's memory.

"We weren't dating. It just happened," Emma confessed.

"How?" Manny asked, finally meeting Emma's eyes.

Emma swallowed, wishing that Jay would say something, but realizing that he was probably more scared than she was right now. She took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and continued. "After everything happened and it all came out, Jay and I avoided each other like the plague. And then the strangest thing happened. We met up at the free clinic when both of us were there for a checkup after the whole...well you know. We ignored each other at first, but then..."

FLASHBACK

"_You act like this is my fault or something," Jay said. "I'm as much of a victim as you are, you know."_

_Emma huffed, flipping through the magazine she was holding, but not reading a word on the pages in front of her. She looked up to see Jay smirking at her. He was waiting for her reply. "You victimized me! I had no idea what even went on there when you invited me. You used me and then ditched me."_

_Jay looked around the empty waiting area before sliding a few seats over until he was beside Emma. "You knew and you came back. You wanted it just as much as I did. You're just too ashamed to admit it."_

_Emma wanted to hit his smug face, but saw the receptionist glancing over at them periodically. "Don't cause a scene. Go back to your seat and let's continue to pretend that we don't know each other."_

_Jay sat there, not moving, but not saying a word for several minutes. "I'm fine now. You?"_

"_Yeah. I'm okay. Except for the fact that the whole school knows and I get made fun of on a daily basis! So thanks for that."_

_Jay shrugged. "Sorry. Um, how have you been otherwise?"_

_They stared at each other. Emma couldn't help but laugh at Jay's lame attempt at conversation. He looked at her like she were crazy, but joined in her laughter._

"_Have you talked to Sean at all?" Jay asked._

_Emma shook her head. "Nope. Maybe he's saving all his long distance for Ellie."_

_Jay shook his head. "Can't be. Sean's only got eyes for you, Nelson. That's a fact. He's probably missing you like crazy out there in Wasega."_

"_Right! I'm sure the hundreds of girls in bikinis aren't enough of a distraction for him!"_

"_What's a bikini or two compared to the love of your life?"_

_Emma stared at Jay. It was the first time he'd ever been sincere with her and she had to admit that she really liked her time with Jay. But that was something she'd never admit out loud._

"_Emma Nelson and Jay Hogart?" the nurse called._

_They looked up at the nurse who was signalling for them to follow her. Emma gave Jay a look, but stood and followed the nurse into the examination room. Jay did the same. Oddly enough, the nurse led them both into the same room, where there was a doctor waiting for them._

"_Please, take a seat you two," the doctor said, pointing to two chairs beside each other._

"_Should, um, we be in here, together?" Emma asked, embarrassment written all over her face._

"_I usually like to talk to all partners together, that way I don't have to repeat myself," he smiled. Emma opened her mouth to tell him that she and Jay weren't 'partners', but he continued on with his speech. "Okay. So everything has cleared up nicely for the both of you. Treatment worked very well. Now is the awkward speech I must give. No matter what kind of sex the two of you are having, from now on it must be protected sex. Use condoms each and every time you have sex, even if it is oral sex. These are for you," he said, handing Jay a bunch of condoms. He turned to Emma and asked, "Would you like a prescription for birth control?"_

_Jay and Emma looked at each other, both blushing profusely. Emma opened her mouth to say no, when Jay found his voice. "Can she get that today? We're sort of...eager to get back in the saddle, if you know what I mean?"_

_Emma gave Jay a death glare, but the doctor was not fazed in the slightest bit, as he turned, grabbed a few packages of Ortho-Tricyclen, and handed them to Emma. "I would like to see you in three months for an internal, okay?"_

_Emma couldn't even answer the doctor's instructions, she was that embarrassed. She blindly followed Jay out of the office, out of the clinic, and onto the street. When they were out of sight, Emma hauled off and whacked Jay on the arm._

"_What was that for?" he asked, laughing and rubbing his arm._

"_That was so embarrassing! You basically told him that we were...you know!"_

_Jay smirked. "You can't even say it, can you? God, you're cute when you're all fired up. What do you say I come by your place tonight and we put our newfound 'protection' to good use?"_

_Emma's eyes grew large and Jay realized that she was taking him seriously, and maybe even considering it. He stepped forward, until their bodies were close and she could feel his breath. He leaned down, tickling her neck as he whispered in her ear, "Leave the window open for me, okay?"_

END OF FLASHBACK

"That's all it took?" Manny asked.

"Didn't know your best friend was that easy, huh?" Sean joked.

Emma shot Sean a look, her first real show of anger at how the man who supposedly loved her was reacting to her news. "Part of me figured he wouldn't show up."

"But you left the window open just in case, right?" Sean enquired. "Unbelievable! Was that explanation supposed to make me feel better? Because it doesn't! It makes me feel like some idiot who came on the scene and bought all your bullshit! What happened to the Emma I left behind?"

"You left her behind!" Emma yelled. "You walked away from me at the worst time of my life and then you have the right to judge me? I don't think so! I made some mistakes, yes! I'm not perfect! And guess what, Sean? Neither are you!"

"I'm not the one who lied about my virtue!" Sean shouted.

As Sean and Emma continued to yell at each other, Manny sidled up to Jay and whispered, "See what you caused?"

Jay turned to give Manny a stunned look. "Me? You caused this because you couldn't leave well enough alone! They never needed to know about that letter. I told you it was nothing."

"But you lied, didn't you?" Manny questioned. "You lied. It was more than something, it was everything. And the fact that you kept that letter speaks volumes for your real feelings toward Emma. And I for one can't stand by and wonder if there will ever come a day when your feelings for Emma outweigh the ones you think you have for me."

**Hope you like! Will Jay and Manny ever make it to the altar? Will Sean be able to forgive Emma for lying to him? Will feelings between Emma and Jay rise once again? Keep reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Degrassi...**

**Sorry for the delay. Here is the last chapter of this story. I hope everyone enjoys!**

"Wow! That was some story, Aunt Emma," the girl gushed. She clutched her pillow to her chest and bit into her lower lip. "I can't believe that all really happened."

Emma smiled and nodded her head slowly. "It did. That seems like forever ago. We were all so young back then. But do you understand why I'm telling you all of this?"

She smiled back at her aunt and shrugged. "Yep. You're telling me that I shouldn't be willing to give up my friendship with Maggie just because she likes someone that I used to."

"Because it all works out in the end, sweetie. Take it from me."

Sean walked into the room, smiling at Emma and playfully ruffling Hannah's hair. "Getting some advice from your do-gooder aunt?"

Emma looked up at Sean, rolling her eyes at him. He loved to bug her, to make fun of how careful she was with her niece.

"Uncle Sean, did you really get that mad at Aunt Emma?" Hannah asked. When Sean nodded his head, she shook hers. "It's hard to think of a time when the two of you could ever have been that mad at each other. I only see you guys getting along."

Sean and Emma exchanged looks. It had taken them a long time to work things through, but they were finally in a really good place. This was mostly because of Hannah. When Hannah Hogart came onto the scene, twelve years earlier, she changed everyone's lives, for the better.

Jay walked into the room, seeing his daughter with her aunt and uncle, and smiled. "Who decided to have a party and not invite Dad?"

Hannah turned to see her father, in his usual casual pose, leaning against her door frame. She got to her feet and hugged her father. "Dad, can I go over to Maggie's house for a bit?"

Jay raised an eyebrow. "Maggie, huh? Sure. Say hi to her folks for me."

Sean approached Hannah, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "Come on, kid! I'll give you a drive. Jay, man, thanks for dinner. Em? You okay?"

Emma smiled. "I'm gonna stick around for a bit. But thanks. I'll see you later."

Jay watched his best friend and daughter walk out of her bedroom and head off. He sighed heavily before joining Emma on the floor. "You okay?" he asked.

"I'm good. I told Hannah the story."

Jay nodded his head, lost in his own thoughts. "I guess it helped with the Maggie situation. So, thanks. But I have a feeling it had more to do with you than with her."

Emma shrugged. She looked at Jay and smiled weakly. "I just want her to be fine."

"She is, Em. She really is," he assured, rubbing Emma's shoulder.

"Jay? Do you think she'll come back?"

Jay licked his suddenly dry lips and stared at Emma. "Manny made a choice, Emma. It was what was best for her. She got her big break and decided to take it. I can't hold that against her. And Hannah doesn't. But that's beside the point. Hannah's okay because of you, Em. You've been great with her. You always have been."

Emma let her weary body lean into Jay's side. She placed her head on his shoulder and looked up into his handsome face. "I know that she's okay with the situation with her mom, but I'm not so sure she's okay with me."

"She loves you, Em. Not as much as she loves her old man, but that'll come. Just keep doing what you're doing. Let her know that you love her and care about her. And..."

"And?" Emma asked, her smile growing.

"And marry me."

Emma's eyes grew large. She pushed herself off of Jay, staring at him with shock. She choked back tears as she said in a hushed voice, "I have been waiting for you to ask me that for years, Jay Hogart. I stood on that altar and watched you marry my best friend, knowing that I still loved you. I helped you move into your first house, wishing that it was our home. I held that beautiful little girl of yours and almost died because I wanted her to be ours. For all of these years, I have waited and waited. When Manny left I figured you wouldn't want anyone. And when you finally asked me out, all of six months ago... I've been holding out hope for us, Hogart. All this time. And you really have to ask me that?"

Jay smiled, placing his lips on Emma's. When he pulled away he got to his knees and dug into the pocket of his jeans. He took out a small box, opening it to reveal the most beautiful diamond ring Emma had ever seen.

"Emma, I've loved you since I was seventeen years old. All of those things you said just now, I felt them too. So, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" Emma shouted, throwing herself into Jay's waiting arms.

They hugged each other and kissed madly, excited that their lives together were finally about to begin.

"Did she say yes?" came a small voice behind them.

Jay and Emma, still in each other's arms, turned to see Hannah peeking around the corner. Emma gave Jay a curious look, but Jay just smiled. "Was there ever a doubt?"

Hannah made an excited shriek and threw herself at the two lovers. "Yes! Yes! Yes! This is so cool! Okay, so I just came back to pack a bag 'cause I'm staying at Maggie's tonight. That way the two of you can celebrate your engagement...you know!!"

Jay's jaw dropped. Emma's cheeks coloured.

"There's no... We're not... How do you know about that stuff?" Jay stammered.

Hannah rolled her eyes at her father. "I'm twelve, Dad. We learn all about that stuff at school. Maybe if you and my soon-to-be step-mom would have had a bit of education, you never would have ended up with gon-"

Emma slapped her hand over the girl's mouth, stopping her from continuing with her sentence. When Hannah was out of the house, Jay heaved Emma to her feet and dragged her to his bedroom. He shut the door with his foot and eyed his fiancee.

"So you told my daughter about our dirty, little past, huh?" he asked.

Emma made an apologetic face. "Sorry?"

"You should be. Hannah's gonna be a lady. There isn't gonna be any monkey business. She has to set a good example for her brothers."

"You got kids I don't know about?" Emma joked.

Jay narrowed his eyes. He removed his shirt, tossing it aside, as he made his way to Emma. "I'm about to embark on being the father of a teenage girl. I need to level the playing field around here." He brought Emma into his arms, rubbing a hand over her taut, well-honed stomach. "I think there's a boy in here. We just gotta make it happen."

Emma placed her open palm on Jay's chest. "We are not bringing any little Hogarts, boys or girls, into this world until we are properly wed, mister. And I want a wedding. I am over thirty. I have not waited all of this time to not have the big, white-dress, tuxedo wedding. Understand?"

Jay smiled, placing his lips on Emma's collar bone. "Okay, princess. Your wish is my command. You can have your big fancy wedding. You can have the white dress. You just better make sure that it gets done quickly, because I want you living here, with me and Hannah, soon. Okay?"

"Okay, Hogart. It's a deal. And now for that celebrating we're supposed to be doing..."

And so began their lives together. Destiny has a way of fulfilling itself, even when it's least expected to. Emma and Jay did get married, four months later, in front of all of their friends and family, including Sean and Manny. But the one surprise for everyone, came seven months later, when little Connor Hogart came into the world. Looks like their guest list was larger than even they knew...

**Thanks for all of the great reviews! I have two more stories in the works, so hopefully I can get something posted soon! Hope everyone is having a great start to their summer!**

**Kisses,**

**Kerr**


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